Don't you think the joker laughs at you?

12:36am: DAMN LIVE JOURNAL

12:34am: its true that no one loves me. how emo.
wow ive journal really pisses me off, i jsut wrote somethine and now its freaking gone, im so pissed, i cant remember a thing from it . god. it was just random shit but all stuff i'd like to remember, damn this live journal.

5:20pm: wow it took me like ten times to type my password in. it always screws me up cause i cant see the letters its just like little dots GAHH


Tater tots
(Please rate my quiz)


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

10:12pm: yeah yeah dont even say it!! OOHP! OOHP! dont. dont say. dont say it!!! girls scouts is cool, and you know it. lol psshha what do i care lol.
yesssss so i went where on friday? oh yes,
i held kelli's hand...most amazing. i bought my ska shoes, and thought about doing gwen stefani. i had a smoothie, very smooth. i watched a dance off, very smooth.
i woke up at 8 on a saturday, dove in a car with rachel court. Arrived at the hilton, many laughts. it was all girl scout friendly. i danced to the cotton-eye-joe twice in a row. kidnapped at 1 taken to maijer, bought out the ice cream section. talk to chuck till 2:30. scratched wall at 3:00 sent kari into a panic, soo sorry lol.
skipped the breakfast, rachel and i slept. got ready in 5 minutes and ate a doughnut and apple juice. ran for secretary and lost to a 14 year old who didnt even want the job. made a scarf. said goodbye. went to florence mall and ate mcdonolds. rachel and i laughed, her dads a riot. bought some stuff at victorias secret.
voluteered at the hospital, dad come to get me at five, my mom had ditched me, for a boy... . met a kitty that may become mine, got some christmas gifts, watched 50 first dates, i will marry adam sandler he is my dream man-im serious i dont care about any age difference. looked longingly at my car, im going to drivers school...came home and realized how much i love nibbens. sat down right here, wrote this got to this point and stopped... then came back, i just got a popsivle.

im sure that wasted your time :) but i love you for finishing.

2:42pm: won't you hold me now
exams are over, man i love peanut butter. but this rootbeer is flat

im still not allowed to take my drivers test, so after tuesday kelli will be driving me around for about a week lol

gah i have cleaning to do or i cant go out this weekend, haha it's not like i have plans anyways. i've got that girl scouts thing, but that wont be back ill be with amberly and rachel. then when i get home at 11:30 i've got to go volunteer at the hospital till five.

oh jeez my dad might call me tonight, lol it was so weird the other day he called and tried to be a dad and lecture me lol i was like what the fuck...this isn't right! lol GAHHHHH i want my crapy car.

mmm i sorta want a coffie, or like one of those yummmy vanillay drinks. lol vanillay?

7:14pm: im home
my crazy mom is not home she is off at school, so i thought why dont i write in here. i dont like writing when shes home, hes always like go do this go do that, or shes like what ya doin...? GAH leave me alone.

so last night was bad, i couldnt sleep cause i kept thinging about jerry, it makes me so sad.
he's dead.
forever.
He lived in florida so i never saw him, and at first when he died i couldnt feel it i think, i just didnt believe it cause it wasnt like he was taken from my everyday life. i dont think it would have hurt anymore if he was a part of my everyday life, i wish he was, cause then i would know i dont have to feel the guilt that i didnt love him enough or i didnt see him enought, or that he didnt know that i did love him.
but its so realy now, when you live in florida you come home at christmas, when your dead you dont get to come visit your family for the holidays, i dont think thats fair. around christmas i was at his parents house who live here in fort thomas, and i was leaning on the fridge and i realized i was in the same place he is in the picture i have of him on my vanity. and it freaked me out, i had a rush of happiness like a connectiong, then i was sad, mad and angry, soo very sad. i just want him back, how was it fair he was only 32, if he lived here, if my fucking mother would have excepted him, he may still be alive, we would ahve sent him to the hospital, he had to die alone, alone! alone alone alone alone alone. he called his own ambulance becuase he was alone, he pulled his own car off the highway then died.
he's dead, why the fuck..
the day he died one of the police checked his phone book to see his last call, it was my house. they called it. do you know how scary to is to find out someone died then find that an hour after they died, their cell phone called you. i knew it wasnt like his ghost, i just didnt know what the hell it was, it freaked me out.
after jerry died i became scared to die. it must be becasue he was so young and so far away, i couldnt except it,
at his funeral i couldnt look at him. i couldnt see him there, in that box that he would spend the rest of my life in. i couldnt see him unhappy, or in a suit, or dead, that not jerry and that not how i want to remember him. i hope it wasnt disrespectful to not even sit in the room when everyone else was listening to that man who doesnt know shit about jerry talk about how great he was, i know he was doing his job, but it pissed me off to hear him talk about jerry like he knew him, he didnt know jerrys laugh his smile or how careing he was, and he wasnt going to miss jerry either. i hateing listening to him.
there was a woman at the funeral, jerrys aunt, she kept talking to me, im not a public cryer and she just kept talking and talking and i just wanted to explode and cry and cry and cry. she kept telling me how muched he loved me, how much i ment to him, how wonderful i was, how i was such a good kid, and i was beautiful and i had a wonderful mother and he loved my mother, adn was in love with my mother, and wanted nothing more than to alwyas be with me and my mother. why couldnt my mom love him.
its a shame, it took him death for me and my mom to really understand that we needed him, and that she loved him, and how special he was to me, now...we have no second chance.
He was amazing..
he was thirty somethin, but could pass for 20
he was a child at heart
he was a pool-boy, im serious lol
he loved his cat,
he would drive 16 hours to see us
his car was always clean
he went to highlands
he had the best smile cause it was real, and always there
he introduced me to bob marley
he was a surfer
he was bit by a shark and didnt know it.
he made necklaces
he died in april
he had a bad relationship with his parents
i hope he felt like he had someone.

6:26pm: i got soul

everything in bold applies to me.

001. I miss somebody right now.

002. I watch more TV than I used to.

003. I love olives.

004. I love sleeping.

005. I own lots of books.

006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.

007. I love to watch people play video games.

008. I've tried marijuana.

009. I've watched porn movies.

010. I have been in a threesome.

011. I have been the psycho ex-girl/boyfriend in a past relationship.

012. I believe honesty is the best policy.

013. I have acne free skin. 

014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.  <<< i may if i knew who he was...

015. I curse frequently or often.

016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.

017. I have a hobby.

018. I've been told I have a nice butt.

019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

020. I'm really, really smart.  ...hahah yeah....

021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.

022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.

023. I love rain.

024. I'm paranoid at times.

025. I would get plastic surgery if it were always safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

026. I need money right now.

027. I love sushi.

028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.

029. I have fresh breath in the morning.

030. I have semi-long hair.

031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.

032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.

033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.

034. I shave my legs.

035. I have a twin.

036. I have at least one "unhealthy" obession.

037. I couldn't survive without Caller ID.

038. I like the way that I look.

039. I have lied to a good friend in the past six months.

040. I wish I hadn't.

041. I am sometimes pessimistic.

042. I have mood swings.

043. I think prostitution should be legalized.

044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.  <pretty damn ugly

045. I have cheated on a significant other.

046. I have a hidden talent.

047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.

048. I think that I'm popular.

049. I am currently single.

050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.

051. I enjoy talking on the phone.

052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.

053. I love to shop.

054. I would rather shop than eat.

055. I would classify myself as ghetto. 

056. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.

057. I believe in love at first sight.

058. I don't hate anyone, I dislike them with a passion.

059. I'm a pretty good dancer.

060. I think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.

061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.

062. I have a cell phone.

063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.

064. I enjoy the fact that it isn't music television anymore. 

065. I have passed out drunk in the past six months.

066. I've overdosed on some kind of drug.

067. I have never been in a real relationship before.

068. I've rejected someone before.

069. I currently have a crush on someone.

070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

071. I want to have children in the future.

072. I've changed a diaper before.

073. I've had the cops called on me before.

074. I bite my nails.

075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.

076. People have called me a slut.

077. I have a lot to learn.

078. I have dated someone at least ten years older or younger.

079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest movie.

080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.

081. I'm online 24seven, even as an away message.

082. I have at least five away messages saved.

083. I have tried alcohol before.

084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.

085. I've had a friend's significant other make a move on me.

086. I have avoided assignments to be on my livejournal.

087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.

088. I enjoy country music.

089. I love my best friend.

090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.

091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.

092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.

093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.

094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.

095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".

096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.

097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.

098. I have dated a close friend's ex.

099. I'm happy as of this moment.

100. I have gone scuba diving.

101. I've had a crush on someone I'd never met.

102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.

103. I play a musical instrument.

104. I strongly dislike math.

105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.

106. I own and use a library card.

107. I've skipped school.

108. I've been arrested.

109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.

110. I'm obsessed with the TV show "Lost".

111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.

112. I am an entirely different person around different people.

113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.

114. I think Ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world.

115. I've  suffered of a broken heart.

116. I am a nerd, I guess you could say that.

117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.

118. I am left handed and proud of it.

119. I don't change who I am for someone else.

120. My heart resides below my feet.

121. I am a Senior in High School.

122. I enjoy smoothies.

123. I have gastritis.

124. I have nothing better to do with my time.

125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.

126. Most people call me by my middle name.

127. I once stole a music stand.

128. Pi confuses me.

129. I love NASCAR!

130. I own over two hundred CDs possibly.

131. I work seven days a week.

132. I have mono.

132. I have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.

133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.

134. I'm only wearing underwear.

135. I had more than one Thanksgiving dinner this year.

136. I've driven to a different state to see a band I like.

137. I am the most over analytical person I know.

138. I believe in wasting time.

139. I don't listen to much music.

140. I have a shoe fetish.

141. My favorite holiday isn't Christmas.

142. I prefer weeks off of work instead of days here and there.

143. I enjoy sex, but it's not all I think about. 

144. I want to go home.

145. I don't know what I would do without my friends.

146. I can't stand my own company.

147. "Friends" is my favorite TV show.

148. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

149. I think John Mayer is a great musician.

150. I want him really bad.

151. I own a guinea pig.

152. I can do the clover thing with my tongue.

153. you dont know why you sat here and wasted your time doing all 152 of these dumbass questions.   

i added number 153 hahaha

4:04pm: Oops
what am i doing?? ah hahahahahah i dont know why i started to update. but i started so i finished ha


i figured out how to erase it all. so i did. but not the Peanuts Poem. i love Mr. Snoopy

3:56am: today was a good day.
but i told my mom i wasnt going to new york if she was, now im not going.
i got my RollingStone in the mail. guess who was on the cover...GWEN STEFANI
i'd do her.
bite sized tostitos are goood.
i think i need a drink.
soo freaking bored.
yesterday was bad, did i mention today was amazing?
i missed me journal, i'll tell the truth.
i think i passes the U.S test with the help of amberly. gotta love her.
everything will be alright, everything

10:09pm: The Untold Story of Charles Brown
and the Girl with the Red Hair


What's wrong, Charles
The girl with red hair asked as she sat on the bench next to him
And opened her lunch.

It has been a rough week
Charles began.
Linus has a tumor - Sally's been sick.
Lucy has been too busy with Schroeder to set up her psychiatrist stand
When I finally needed it.
I can't understand the grownups.
Or grownup problems.

She took his hand, and they lay down on the grass.
And the little red haired girl just held him.

And they drifted off to sleep.

Charles concentrated on the rhythmic tickle of her breath on the back of his neck
And the years of yearning that had been bottled up
Bubbled and churned and swirled. But-
Chalking it up to heartburn-
He slid beyond the waking world and dreamed.

He felt the innocent brush of her lips on his
And believed he was still dreaming.
The world around him exploded.
His cares, thrown from his mind
Like a half-eaten tuna sandwich,
His Nostrils burned with the scent of her
And dolphin safe fish.
And night rose, and pressed its cold wet nose against the two, and they drew closer,
Huddled together under the safety of Linus' blanket.
And the little red haired girl just held him.

In the morning, Woodstock sang,
and the dog flew his house to World War One Germany
And the little red haired girl was gone-
And Charles finally knew what "Good Grief" was.